Friday, August 12, 2011

Dying unto one's self....over and over and over again! (by Joel)

I continue to struggle to find time to do everything that I used to have ample time to do!  I was struggling the past couple days, as I've been on the road working!  I kept pushing myself, doing everything I could to get home as quickly as possible....I missed my family!  The stories from Rachel on the growth of the boys, over just a few days, were amazing.  These two little fellas are growing up so quickly, Jackson's personality is becoming more an more apparent and Josiah is continuing to surprise us with what he can do and comprehend.

Something that our pastor has kept saying to us, keeps coming back to my mind tonight.  I think it has finally set in for me, it makes sense now.  He keeps saying that we have been, and will continue to die unto ourselves....and I am finally getting it!  2 Timothy 2:11b states, "if we have died with him, we will also live with him".  A death to our old selves and a life, eternally, with him.  This dying part is now so clear to me!  I used to enjoy the free time I had, the ability to help others whenever they needed it, to work on things at my own pace, to go willy-nilly throughout the day doing as I pleased.  Sleeping in as I felt I needed, staying up late chatting with old friends on facebook, blogging about the craziness of adoption....the list just goes on and on!  But that part of me has been dying lately, my desires have been falling by the wayside (some trying to cling on, necessitating a bit of a shaking or even help from Jackson with a big ole slap to get 'em off).  I was joking with a friend just the other day, how I had wasted so much time before...but doing what, I didn't know!

Now, the crazy part is, I don't miss it at all.  This is a joyous thing, one that doesn't make sense.  One that takes more work and focus, but joyous none the less!  The work comes as I must realize the new role I have as head of this household, supportive husband, provider, and father to two young men who need so much from me and Rachel.  Trying to balance work, household chores, time with the boys (good one on one time, teaching and playing) and also helping out my lovely is hard work!  Keeping up with a 3 1/2 year old, in and of it's self, is hard work!   I am sure that Jackson has a stash of Red Bull somewhere...and he ain't sharing!  The upkeep on the house is driving me a little nuts too but that is where the focus comes in, I have never had to prioritize so much in my life.  

See, we have been blessed with a tractor to replace the one I had to sell when the whole adoption process started last year.  It started and ran great when I picked it up, but hasn't run since I've got it back to the "ranch".  That is no problem, or at least it wouldn't have been..back in the day!  I love working on anything with a motor and old diesels have my name written on them...but  I now have different priorities.  Just to diagnose the problem took me 4 days, then the help of my brother when he was down (and Jackson, ok..he was in his playpen right beside us working on it)  Then getting the part to fix it took another 4 days, now finding the half a day to fix it....who knows when that will happen!  :)  In the meantime, the yard is starting to take over again and the gravel driveway is turning green.

Dying to self, every be more like Christ!  I have a long way to go, but I am finally starting to see what it means.  Setting aside things of old, focusing, instead, on others (namely, Josiah, Jackson, and Rachel) and trusting God in everything.  For, as verse 12 says, "if we endure, we will reign with Him"  implying that it won't be easy, but most defiantly, worth it!  


I was reminded as I typed this, that as I prayed on what to start teaching the boys for an occupation, I was lead to prepare them for farming and mechanics!  I think this might be a good start for Jackson!  I also think that saturday might bring about another daddy/son tractor fixin' day :)

1 comment:

  1. Very well said! I've always thought of that passage in a spiritual sense, but hadn't really thought of it's application as a parent. But, yes, in fact we do. Thanks for sharing!