I'm sitting here, knowing I need to post something but not knowing what. I keep writing and erasing because it just isn't what is supposed to be here, I guess. But I need to let you know what I am learning over here from our boys! Yep, I'm a 36 year old man who is learning so much from two little boys that are seen as almost a waste of life here (I don't mean to be harsh, but some still see them as a curse or contagious, or as a waste of food and resourses....but I think things are starting to change). And everything goes back to God! Absolutely everything!!!
I look at Jackson and I see a little boy who I now love so much, there is nothing I wouldn't do for him....nothing now. Others might see a crosseyed little boy who can't walk straight, who stumbles through life wandering off the path, a slobbering mess who drools too much, or a selfish monster who holds on so tight to everything he is given never wanting to share, a little boy who thinks everything should be for him, a little boy who would do whatever he could to get what he wants.. A little boy who had a huge price to be paid on his behalf, so that he could be free and loved as a little boy should.
As I type this, I am reminded of a love for me, by my heavenly Father...who did give everything for me! I look back on my life, stumbling off the path I should be going. A staggering man, drooling too often at the things of this world, desprately hanging onto everything that ever came into my posession....I too thought everything should revolve around me and my wants/desires! I needed a savior too! Someone to model for me the path to walk, to open my eyes to see where and what I should be doing...placing in me a desire to please my Heavenly Father! What a love! I still stumble, but I am forgiven! I still have times that I know I let Him down, but I know my price has been paid...I am forgiven, and I am loved in a way that I thought never possible. For God to forgive me of my past, every action, every thought that was not pleasing to Him...How could that ever be? For this amazing God to somehow still forgive me when I wander, even now! My friends, we are all orphans until we really know our heavenly Father....until we know the price paid, we can not know His love. That price was the most prized possession of the Father, Jesus...the highest ransom ever paid!
I could go on and on, the details of what we consider so precious...gifts of the world vs: gifts that are truly precious, or the food of the world that we continue to try to eat being like the gruel/porridge that leaves such a stench for weeks even after being out of the orphanage, or the ones in our little group who would just as much walk all over us if they could, or a great many other similarities between our lives as sinners and that of an unwanted orphan...but I'll save that for later. For now, I am rejoicing at the amazing steps taking place in the life of our new little ones, amazed by what a couple hours of love a day can do for little soul. As for Jackson, I don't mind the drool (look at the pics on rachel's post), he is learning to trust momma and daddy, with trust there is a letting go of selfish needs as he learns that momma and daddy will always provide him with what he needs, and yes he will be able to see much better soon....but until then, this little guy walks strong and straight when holding daddy's hand! I love this little boy, my son...my beloved son!
I really don't know who this is supposed to be for, but if you need to talk...I'm more than willing or can point you to someone who can. It all begins with knowing how bad we really are, and what an amazing Lord we have direct access to!