What a day....again

Well, 8 days left to wait until it is officially, official and the process of US immigration stuff starts and all is well.  Something changed while hearing the judges decree being read and translated, I'm a dad!  I am still a bit confused over the whole thing, to be honest.  There is a fear that is not talked about much during the process, a fear of not knowing how the whole "loving" your child will work out.  We don't have biological kiddos to compare against, this is all new/uncharted territory for me (and Rachel as well).  I've read blogs of parents that are visiting their child for the first time and the excitement, or lack of, and the reactions, or again...lack of, that can either lift you up and confirm all your hard work....or have you asking "was this the right thing to do?".

For me...the meeting for the first time was kinda cool!  I got to meet our little guys who we have been praying for and had achieved Rock Star status in our minds.  Jackson was pretty excited, he probably didn't understand why, but he was getting attention and a couple pretty cool old people to play with a couple hours a day.  Josiah, well....he's a different story!  A mystery of sorts.  He's so young, almost a year old.  Delayed a bit from what I thought I might be expecting (but just to get in my head, I usually don't have anything to do with infants until I am sure I can hold them and swing them around with a strong assurance that their head won't fall off...you know, when you pick them up and they have the ability to look at you from arms length without a third party tipping their head back down from looking at the ceiling....also referred to as baby bobble head), but honestly I didn't know what God had for us behind that door!

Jackson has been learning quite a bit from us and is a blast to play with!  I can't wait to show him around home, introduce him to the dogs, the cat, the crazy rainbow bus, play ball in their room and all that stuff dad's get to do.  I am looking forward to getting to know him so much better.  And Josiah is blossoming so much with just amazingly small amounts of activities that we get to do, and he is so smart...but reserved!  I'm eager to see him develop, eager for him to show himself more to us.  He is a mystery, so studious, always watching everything you do...and then, out of nowhere....he'll do something you weren't expecting!  Like today, after trying to get him to laugh (which has only happened a couple of times...a smile is becoming more frequent, but laughing is different for some reason) by tickling him for minutes on end...he reaches up to my arm and starts tickling ME!  Like, oh yeah...let's see how you like it!  It was so funny!!!!!   But, it saddens me that being almost a year old, he hasn't had someone in his life that has made him happy, made him laugh and giggle (or even snort like Jackson does when we get him rolling).  Then I think of all the babies in his little groupa, 9-11 of them I think, all within 6 months of a year...very few were smiling none laughing during their playtime today when we snuck in.

With all this said, something did change after that ruling from the judge...and Rachel summed it up best.  She said, "We have loved them for so long, but after the ruling....we are in love with them".  There is a difference!  I can't tell you what it is, maybe a brotherly love or an aunt/uncle type thing before...to a truly motherly/fatherly love that is becoming stronger every time we visit.....no, with every thought of these two little men!  It is absolutely AMAZING!!!!  There is so much for them to overcome, but even in the small amount of time that I've been back, I can say one thing with certainty.  I pray for certain expectations out of each visit with them, whether it be for Jackson to be gentle with our faces instead of hitting or Josiah to interact with us in a certain way....and God is faithful!  He answers a parents plea, and though that He encourages me to pray for more and more for these two boys of His!  What a wonderful God we serve, what wonderful gifts He gives, He loves us so much (which as I understand His love more and more, I am in awe how He could ever love me...but He does, and it is so amazing)

So, with all that being said...please continue to pray for us through the 10 day appeal process, that no appeals would be made and that we would fall even more in love with our sons.  We can't thank each and every one of you who have helped in some way, we are truly overwhelmed every time we think about it!

God Bless!


posted by Joel
 (sorry, not many pics of Rachel today....haven't transferred those over from the phone yet and she's a bit under the weather)

Jackson actually learned to leave Daddy's hair in while riding on my shoulders today....awww, so nice!